When in Rome…

I’m as close to Audrey Hepburn as I’m ever going to be.

I just took a Roman Holiday.

The similarities end there. For starters, my waistline is not so small considering all the gelato I ate. If you must know, in 10 days I tried six different flavors: coffee, coconut, pistachio, panna cotta, lemon, chocolate swirled coffee. Nevermind the cannoli, amaretto cookies, and other creamy bundles of sweetness that we got from the lovely Gaspar who owned the gelateria/pasticceria by our hotel in Sant Agnello (just outside Sorrento). And considering we’re a family that doesn’t eat meat, we threw culinary caution to the wind and consumed copious amounts of proscuitto, salami, and bresaola. Ditto for the cheese, bread, olives, calamari, tuna, anchovies, and Peroni (Fanta for Bird and Deal).

I don’t know how anyone who visits Italy can possibly have a waistline like Audrey Hepburn’s.

Here are just a few observations from our trip:

• It’s a terribly sad state of affairs when airline food is better than school cafeteria food.
• Italians really do exclaim, “Mamma mia!”
• There were no shortage of jorts in Italy. Ditto for VPL. I imagine these are tourists, for the Italians are far too stylish for such a glaring fashion don’t.
• Apparently I was the only woman who found a happy medium between comfortable and cute shoes. Let me rephrase: comfortable and cute; the two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Sneakers are for the gym, whether you’re home or abroad IMHO. And if you dare wear stilettos in Pompeii, you deserve a sprained ankle for being such a dumb ass.
• Rome’s city water fountains (the ones meant for drinking, not coin tossing) have the best, coldest water that has ever passed my lips.
• Italians are lovely people, inside and out.
• Americans overcook their pasta.
• Phineas & Ferb is almost as funny in Italian. Note that I don’t speak a lick of Italian.
• Bird and Deal saying “Grazie” and “Scusi” is scrumptiously adorable.
• Fresh food is where it’s at, hands down.
• Coffee should always be served with a small pitcher of warm milk.
• Shoes and handbags are drool-worthy in Italy. I am slapping myself for exercising restraint and not buying that gorgeous pumpkin colored buckled bag for fall.
• Italy must cast a spell on all its visitors because Mac Daddy bought shoes. For himself.
• Nuns can’t break the texting habit either.

I’m getting T-shirts printed for all of us that say “I’d rather be in Sorrento.”