Drowning.

I am grateful that Bird and Deal have a healthy fear of water. They  frolic and splash but know the power that water yields. Bird loves to swim but he knows his limits. Deal thinks the pool is a giant bath tub and doesn’t understand the point of swimming when there are boats to float and buckets to fill. In fact, Deal is flat out scared about swimming and he silently sobs en route to our weekly swim lessons. On more than one occasion I have peeled him off my leg and handed him over to his ever so patient and supportive teacher. He gasps as he tries to catch his breath yet manages week after week to jump in and swim in his unique style of flailing and paddling. Despite the tears, that boy exhibits courage more than fear. He makes me proud.

As Memorial Day is upon us, I feel the need to share a post I wrote a while back for Deep South Moms. This weekend marks the opening of pools everywhere, and with our searing temps in the mid-90s, there will be droves of people lined up for a cool down. I urge you to drop your books and magazines, clean your sunglass lenses, sip responsibly, and PAY ATTENTION.

Now for a true story

Summer in my town kicked off last week. And tragedy struck in its wake. Last week a five-year old little boy drowned at a neighborhood club. Five. Years. Old. The same age as my Bird, who celebrated completing kindergarten the day before this little boy died. I know the dreams and hopes and goals and pride his parents had tucked into every fiber of their being. I know the joyous anticipation and amazing discoveries that five-year old little boys bring to our world. I know what it is to be the mother of a five-year old son.

I don’t know the people involved, though I know several folks who were there at the scene. All I know is that there was a party of about 50 people. Four lifeguards were there. The boy wandered away from the gated baby pool area into the big pool. He was found at the bottom of the pool. I don’t know the details beyond what the local news reported. It has all been oddly hushed. Witness accounts are too intimate, and frankly too difficult, to share. This story has derailed me, and I can’t shake it. I can only imagine the grief, trauma, sorrow, and hopelessness the family feels.

The part that is eating away at me is that his parents weren’t even there. They heard this tragic news from family members, for the boy’s aunt and uncle were watching him. I still gasp at the mere thought of this.

I am not writing to point fingers. I am not looking to place blame. I don’t know what happened. I simply want to help us all open our eyes, literally and figuratively.

Like I said, I wasn’t there. I don’t claim to have any inside scoop. And I certainly don’t posit that any of the following scenarios played out in this horrid case. I simply urge all of us to pay. close. attention. Water, while glorious, refreshing, exhilarating, is also deadly. When children of any age are around water of any kind, one’s watch cannot be too acute. Keen attention is paramount at all times.

When you are a parent, a caregiver, a babysitter, you forfeit your right to lounge in a poolside deck chair to read. I don’t care if it’s a newsstand rag, a gossip glossy, or Kafka. Don’t bother tucking a book or magazine into your pool bag.

One cannot be too vigilant when it comes to water safety. Learn to speak to your pals while not making eye contact. I don’t care what Zig Ziglar or Miss Manners would say. Your eyes, your gaze, your full attention, belong on and around the water. You should know where your children are. At all times.

Keeping guard is a community effort. Fellow parents are your extra sets of eyes, and your are theirs.

Socializing poolside is one of the shining spots of summer vacation. Mommy needs her playdate too. However, socializing, gabbing, catching up, do not trump keeping a sharp eye on your children. Jumping out of a conversation, cutting off someone, looking away, interjecting, interrupting, intervening are all forgivable conversation foibles.

Don’t be over confident in your child’s swimming ability. Anyone, adult or child, could get knocked upside the head or even bash heads with a fellow swimmer. Accidents happen. And they can often be prevented.

If your kid is flying down the water slide, be there to ensure his safe plop into the pool.

Arm floaties, inner tubes, swim vests, noodles and the like are not life saving devices. They make you an irresponsible parent if you use them as your babysitter. Ditto for an ill-fitting life jacket.

Life guards have stressful jobs. It might look like a summer cake walk, being up in that big chair, flirting with the fellow guards, catching some rays all summer. But it ain’t so. They are there to react to danger and prevent it when possible. We as parents supplement their watch. They are not babysitters.

10-year old children have no business being dropped off at a pool with no parental supervision. This is truly the permissable drop off age at one local club. Would you leave your 10-year old child at home alone, much less footloose and fancy free around a body of water? No way, not I.

This one goes without saying (I hope). Drink responsibly. We all know what’s tucked into the insert-ACC-school-here koozie. Don’t be a dumbass.

And finally, as a mother, you forfeit your right to don an impractical fancy schmancy bikini that isn’t intended to get wet. Lose the heels, the floppy hat, the gold hoops, and by all means, the make up. Get into the water. It’s the only way to properly watch your kids. And isn’t splashing around with them more fun anyway?

Starting our summer with the palpable stench of tragedy in the air has been an eye opener of epic proportions. I’m ever so more vigilant with my boys. And I’m squeezing them every single chance I get.

And every night, I say a prayer for that little boy’s family.

A must-read before you get near any body of water: Drowning Doesn’t Look Like Drowning. “Drowning is almost always a deceptively quiet event. The waving, splashing, and yelling that dramatic conditioning (television) prepares us to look for, is rarely seen in real life.”

Heartstopping statistics from the post I just linked to (What, you didn’t read it?! Go read it. NOW.):

• Drowning  is the number two cause of accidental death in children, age 15 and under (just behind vehicle accidents).
• Of the approximately 750 children who will drown next year, about 375 of them will do so within 25 yards of a parent or other adult.
• In ten percent of those drownings, the adult will actually watch them do it, having no idea it is happening. (source: CDC)

I am quite literally shuddering reading those stats.

Let me leave you with one last, chilling thought.

“And parents – children playing in the water make noise. When they get quiet, you get to them and find out why.”