Puerto Rico Vacation

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We took a much needed family vacation during spring break. It was the calm before the storm (never mind that it did actually storm the first day of our vacation). The storm of packing, moving, renovating, moving again. We needed some sun, surf, and um….rum drinks. Mac Daddy and I are not ones to plan ahead so we were pretty pleased with ourselves for booking this trip more than two weeks before we left. We chose Puerto Rico based on a number of factors, none of which are all that insightful or interesting – proximity, weather, activities, food, rum drinks. This trip turned out to be the perfect blend of resort frolicking, adventure, history, and flavor.

It was a trip like this that made me wish I were a travel and food writer rather than an accidental activist. This voice needed a rest. Sigh.

We stayed at the El Conquistador, a resort that made people marvel when we mentioned it. This property is a Waldorf Astoria branded resort. The grounds and amenities were stunning — glorious pools, breathtaking vistas, a private island, golf, tennis (clay courts!). But, having stayed at the flagship Waldorf in NYC, this joint was far off brand. The room we reserved was not available when we checked in. The front desk service was deplorable, and based on the line of people and furrowed brows I saw, lots of people were complaining. After lots of waiting and back-and-forthing we settled into a room with one bed and a pull out couch for the night. It was closing in on 10:00 at night, and the boys were beat. We got the boys ready for bed only to realize there was no bedding for the pull out. Since it was late we just tucked them into the king size bed and called the front desk. Now let me just say that when I stayed at the Waldorf in NYC I was massively pregnant. Soon after checking in, a bellman brought me extra pillows, noting that the front desk clerk thought I might be more comfortable with more pillows for support. That is proactive customer service. Sending a family of four off to a room with one bed and no extra bedding is not. They did find us a new room the next day, and the boys loved watching a bunch of pelicans swoop for fish from the balcony. I swear, they were engrossed in a real live nature channel and loved it. Deal smartly packed his binoculars, and Bird used my zoom lens so both kids were keenly watching without fighting. Vacation score!

Service at the El Conquistador was pretty lousy the whole time we were there. The cleaning crew never replenished our soap and shampoo, leaving that mushy bar of hotel soap by the sink all week. Luckily I travel with my own, but still, this was not the Waldorf Astoria brand experience we expected (and paid for). The rooms were really outdated and lacked any sense of luxury (again…not true to the brand). However, the maintenance workers and bellmen were particularly wonderful (shout out toeArnaldo!). The front desk folks were sourpusses, and dealing with them felt akin to buying a used car (a lot of going to an ominous back room to “talk to the manager”). The El Conquistador was also grand for nickel and diming. I’m surprised there wasn’t a surcharge for the pool towels. While there are a lot of restaurants on the property, the prices are high, and the quality is low. Seriously, the food was borderline gross, and we were all disappointed to find no local cuisine at the resort. Luckily we had a car to venture out and try some local fare. Suffice it to say that the El Conquistador was lovely, but completely lacked the sense of decadence, indulgence, and attention inherent to the Waldorf Astoria brand. Grade: A for views. C- for service. D- for food.

Despite the resort experience, we had a fantastic time. The pools, scenery, and weather really were lovely so our moods were never dampened. We drove into Old San Juan for a day and had a wonderful time meandering through the colorful town. It was serendipitously not overrun with tourists, and we just missed the cruise ship crowd. We stumbled upon a fantastic local joint serving the most delectable seafood. We enjoyed a local beer and particularly tasty rum drink (details coming for 5:00 Fridays). The boys enjoyed poking around the old fort and hiding in the nooks and crannies and running amok in the wide open seaside parks.

One of our other excursions included a day of hiking and waterfall swimming at El Yunque rain forest. It’s a deliciously rich place with hiking trails for all levels and a breathtaking waterfall you can swim into. The crowds were borderline spring break in Daytona Beach circa 1988. I get irritated easily by ill-mannered tourists. However, the rain forest itself is really remarkable. We stopped at a local place called Palmer Bakery to grab sandwiches before our hike. A Cubano never tasted so good! If you go to El Yunque, wear water shoes. My sissy feet are not cut out for walking on all the stones under the water! But wow, the waterfall pools are refreshing, clear, and unlike anything I’ve seen.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing we did was visit the biobay on the island of  Vieques. The bay is full of glowing organisms that are like fireflies in the water. Swimming is no longer allowed in the biobay, but we were able to take some steps into the water from the ladder of the pontoon boat. I can’t even describe how surreal it was to see these glowing little speckles that mirrored the glowing stars above. The sky was as remarkable as the sea. Never have I seen such a clear sky, even in the time I spent in the Boundary Waters of Minnesota. This was a sight to behold. If you go, East Island Excursions will treat you right. The crew was wonderful and attentive. You’ll enjoy a long, gorgeous boat ride to Vieques, rum drinks aboard the boat, dinner, and then a pretty harrowing adventure on what feels like the Partridge Family bus meets MASH truck through the jungle. During the pitch black night. Through potholes bigger than my car. This was the adventure part of our vacation. Pack Dramamine.

I could go on about our vacation, but you are likely bored already. Writing about the trip takes me back so forgive my wordiness. And congratulations if you made it this far. If you to Puerto Rico, I urge you to seek out some local flavor and get out of the resort. Oh, and sip some rum.