He was wheelchair bound but embraced the role of Fun Grandpa. He gave the boys wheelchair rides, succumbing to pleas of “Roll me in your lap, Grandpa!” I remember when his lap grew too small to tote both boys at the same time. The boys felt like they were whizzing around a track, though they were just spinning in circles in the driveway. I’m heartbroken that Deal in particular has no real memories of Grandpa. He has recently asked for a photo of Grandpa to keep in his room, hoping it will jar some sparks of memory. Bird’s memories are richer but still tinged with fuzziness on the edges. He remembers Grandpa’s laugh and whiskers and notes that he had all his hair so Mac Daddy should be saved from male pattern baldness. But it ends there.
Grandpa, my father in law, passed away when Deal was shy of two.
Every story with a plot line that winds around a lifetime of smoking will share the same ending.
My parents smoked when I was growing up. I would venture to guess that maybe I shouldn’t be using past tense here. I’m a child of the 70s and 80s so I imagine many of us grew up in homes where smoking was de rigeur. Offices, restaurants, and the worst…airplanes. We had ashtrays all over the house, even at the dinner table. Someone tried to sell me on that being a very European touch in the place setting, but I didn’t buy it. Gross, right? I remember not wanting to kiss my parents goodnight because of the smell of cigarettes. Even my sweet babies smelled like an ashtray when a smoker held them. No amount of perfume or gum can mask the nauseating smell of smoke. Even more troubling are the toxins left behind when someone smokes…think bedding, upholstery, carpets, clothing. Third hand smoke is a thing, people. A toxic legacy indeed, as National Geographic so aptly states.
I tried smoking in my college days. Let’s just say I made some bad choices that were encouraged by others rather than squashed. Luckily I don’t have tendencies that fuel addiction so it’s not like I labored to quit. I just stopped because smoking is really stupid. It’s a lousy habit that one should never start because it’s not going to end well. Period. I realize I’m discounting how difficult it is to quit. Clearly I didn’t have that struggle so I can’t relate. The smell of smoke does not make me wistfully tempted like the smell of brownies does when I am cutting out sugar.
Now I abhor smoking. It breaks my heart to see young kids light up. I live near a local high school and I see the kids so full of promise. I want to snatch away their cigarettes and yell to them that the best way to quit is to never start. Seriously, it brings out the crazy old get-off-mah-lawn lady in me.
My young sons share my disdain for smoking. When we pass smokers in public they often crank up the drama and unleash a coughing fit. They complain about the smell and sneer in disgust. They have been almost burned by an unwieldy cigarette in a crowd before. Mac Daddy unleashed on a couple at a hotel pool once. There were no smoking signs everywhere, but the couple chain smoked while in the water. Right next to our baby and toddler. Mac Daddy generally avoids confrontation but was pretty pissed about this wanton display of to-hell-with-the-rules arrogance and told the people to stop or leave. Sizzle Sizzle, ladies.
I talk candidly with my sons and have told them that there will be no tolerance for smoking cigarettes. They understand that smoking will eventually kill you. They know Grandpa died from lung cancer. They have seen the riveting Healthquest exhibit at the Greensboro Science Center about the effects of smoking. The boys ask me why people smoke. I don’t have a good answer for that. I tell them that some people think it makes them look cool or grown up. So far at ages 11 and nine, they reel away in disgust, not understanding why doing something so vile would make you look cool. I pray that sticks.
Grandpa’s legacy will be a lesson learned.
Tobacco use remains the single largest preventable cause of disease and premature death in the US, yet about 42 million Americans still smoke cigarettes — a bit under 1 in every 5 adults. – cancer.org
November 20 marks the American Cancer Society’s 38th year of the Great American Smokeout (GASO), an initiative to encourage smokers to commit to quit or make a plan to quit on that day. By quitting, even for one day, smokers will take a critical step to a healthier life that can reduce the risk of cancer. I remember begging my parents to partake in this all those years ago. Call GASO at 1-800-227-2345 or check out Quit for Life on Facebook for support and information on how to quit smoking.
The comprehensive Great American Smokeout website is bursting with information that is actionable, supportive, and encouraging. You will be astonished at the immediate health impacts of kicking the cigarette habit. For instance:
A mere 12 hours after quitting, the carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal. (US Surgeon General’s Report, 1988, p. 202)
2 weeks to 3 months after quitting, your circulation improves and your lung function increases. (US Surgeon General’s Report, 1990, pp.193, 194,196, 285, 323)
Quit Together. Win Together.
This post represents a sponsored editorial partnership with the American Cancer Society. All storytelling and opinions are, of course, my own.