We finally went to the MC Escher exhibit at the NC Museum of Art. It was crazy crowded (yeah for people seeing art!), and I learned a lot about this man whose art transcends the staircase and hand optical illusions he’s known for. MC Escher was the first hipster. I mean really, just look at him. He could work in any artisanal cheese shop today.
In an effort to join the ranks of New Year’s resolutioners, I’m trying to eat better. Essentially this means denying my sweet tooth and only indulging in wine on the weekend, in moderation, natch. Every waking moment during the week all I want are cookies and cabernet.
In the last week I’ve ordered four pairs of shoes online. I returned them all. I cannot understand how people buy shoes online. These are brands I wear and like, but the fit of each one of these boots was either squished or loose. I’m feeling a bit like the mashup of Cinderella and the Princess and the Pea.
The Internet knows the sort of shoes I want so now every single ad on every single site I go to advertises booties and riding boots. Brown and black. Size 6. Or 6 1/2. It depends.
Apparently there’s been some football played recently (Go Packers!). I “watch” football for the snacks. Mostly I pop in headphones and curl up under a fuzzy blanket on the couch and watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix.
I can appreciate people wanting to exercise. Needing to exercise? Not so much. Nonetheless, I’m happy you’re out for a nighttime jog. Really, I am. I bet your heart thanks you. But here’s the deal, if you’re jogging at night in an effort to be healthy and maybe increase your years on the planet, perhaps you should consider running on the sidewalk and/or donning some glow-in-the-dark accoutrements. On more than one occasion I’ve come awfully close to nailing right into a runner who’s jogging down the middle of the street in the dark. This is no way to add years to their life…or mine.
Can we talk about Christmas lights? It’s January 12. Time to take down the lights, people. If you live in tundra conditions I’ll cut you some slack. But here in North Carolina, there’s no excuse to keep up those lights. At the very least, don’t turn them on.
And pumpkins on the porch? Seriously, people?! It’s January 12. At this point it just looks like you’re getting a bigger head start on Halloween than Target does. Do not paint your pumpkins pink or red to make them blend in and be relevant for Valentine’s Day. We all know they’re pumpkins!
Little girls in heels. So this is a thing? Is this an effort to ensure they grow up to be women who can walk in heels? I’m 47 and can’t walk in heels. Hell, I can’t even sit in ’em. I’m a firm believer in sensible shoes. Sensible and stylish are not mutually exclusive.
Tonight my 10-year old was groaning and being all tweeny. It’s unusual for this otherwise sweet, charming boy. I had just hit play on the New Wave Dance station on Sonos when my son got particularly grouchy. I stopped and said in pure spoken poetry, “Are you really going to hurt me? Are you really going to make me cry?” Boy George never had better timing.
Today I saw a headline that read “Take the Stress Out of Extension Cords.” Myriad things stress me out, but extension cords have never been on that list. I can’t even fathom a scenario in which I would be stressed out by such a thing.
I’m short. I’ve heard all the short jokes on the planet. Every time I order pancakes my family snickers, thinking “You are what you eat, shortstack.” I don’t really care about short jokes. They’re generally pretty harmless…and dumb. There was that one time a bitch I went to grad school with stopped me in the bathroom between classes and told me that she had seen my husband (who’s 6’2) and that I really should consider wearing heels. Um, yeah. Whatevs. Here’s the thing, make all the short cracks you want. But whatever you do, do NOT pat me on the head. PATronizing as hell.
There are a host of things that literally keep me up at night. I haven’t really slept eight hours straight in over 10 years. Those of you who know me are nodding knowingly, now understanding what you thought were simply character flaws.
No one in my family shuts drawers completely. And no one turns off the lights when they leave a room. This alone is going to make me fly my Mommy Dearest flag. If you hear screeching and screaming coming from my house, it’s probably because my family leaves everything open and on.
There’s isn’t enough Calgon the world to take me away, some days.
Hahahaha! I was with you on the running in the dark in the middle of the road. Some folks in the “hood” think walking in the street is a good traffic calming device but we would rather live.
But then as you continued, as my significant other noted, you nailed my *ss! I still have my Christmas lights up and they are on a timer and I love my Christmas lights, really all Christmas lights and especially the outdoor ones, so I am not ready to say goodbye.
And the pumpkin on the porch, is a crime and I am just too busy with the rest of my yard to move it. I usually move it after it has gotten rotten in November, but because I was too busy to even carve it, it has really lasted a long time. My SO agrees with you but he is so busy staring at his computer all day, I don’t know when he will have time to move it.
Come visit my garden in the springtime/summertime!
Meredith de la Vergne at 1426 Park! 🙂