I grew up in a family that entertained a lot. There was always a random assortment of cheerful people hanging around on weekends and holidays. Somehow my mother always whipped up delicious snacks from what seemed like empty cupboards that held a handful of Brazil nuts languishing in the bottom of the can and a few bottles of hot sauce. There was always music (Neil Diamond) and merry making.
As I’ve grown up, Mac Daddy and I have created a similar home. Still nuts, hot sauce, and Neil Diamond. Our kids would tell you that there’s always a random hodgepodge of people at our house on any given night. I love to cook, and there’s always extra to serve up. I can’t stand the thought of someone sitting alone when we have plenty of space at our table.
Growing up in a home of hosts taught me how to be a good guest.
As we roll into the busyness of holiday entertaining, here are a few tips I learned that I’m passing along. It’s mostly common sense, as good manners are.
If the hosts ask you to bring a dish, bring it ready to serve. That means provide your own serving utensils. Chances are, your hosts don’t have an arsenal of serving ware at their disposal.
Bring your dish ready to go. Don’t show up asking the hosts for a dollop of this or that or some ingredient to finish your dish. Your hosts likely do not have fresh cardamom pods to add signature flair to your sweet potato casserole.
Clear it ahead of time if you need to use the oven when you arrive. The hosts are probably preparing their own dishes and have a plan that you don’t want to mess up.
If you bring some wine, just graciously hand it over. Don’t demand that the hosts open it right away because it’s the only thing you will drink.
If you bring wine, beer, or any other beverages for sharing, leave the leftovers with your hosts. It’s poor form to ask for it back. Even worse, slipping it into your bag and taking it back.
Do your business at home. Ahem.
If there are coasters out, use them.
The hosts dictate the rules for shoes. Keep them on. Take them off. Do what they ask of you.
If the hosts have put place cards at table settings, leave them alone. They probably put a lot of thought into arranging their guests to encourage lively conversations and avoid awkward ones. (This tip is mostly for my children, who are the ones who always tinker my place cards.)
Thank you notes are lovely to receive. I know it stinks to write them, but just think how you feel when you get one. Even in this digital age, snail mail wins.
Don’t bring your dog unless you get permission first. This also applies to ferrets, rabbits, and pot belly pigs. And sometimes children.
If you have a fun new board game, bring it. The same goes for tried and true games.
Over the years, I could tell why the repeat guests were always invited back. Not only were they fun, and many of them were really good cooks, there was a certain graciousness about them. The holidays are about being together. There’s no better way to relax and recharge than breaking bread together. We impose undue stress upon ourselves. (cough, cough…Guilty as charged) If we all focus on what really matters, our festivities will be a lot more fun. Everyone appreciates a generous dose of grace, thoughtfulness, and humor. Manners matter.
The secret to being a good host and a good guest: Put others first.